OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i've created a new STD.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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