She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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