I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
