Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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