Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
