the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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