So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
