he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
