She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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