He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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