found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
