I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
