are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
