I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So vagazzling was a success
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
