I'm lost and stupid without you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
