I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
