I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sorry my hands just texted you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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