our cab driver is having phone sex.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
