It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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