If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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