We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
nutella sex= disaster
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
