My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
