I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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