I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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