got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
