I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
