that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
