tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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