the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
