Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Holy sore nipples Batman
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
