So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
