all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
