At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need a beard to bite.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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