You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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