I want you more than these girls want KFC
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
