I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
