so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is the high leading the old right now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
