plz talk dirty to me
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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