I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
