just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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