Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
