gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Farmville is her only friend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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