I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
