What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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