I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
