I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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