I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
