i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i think i just lost a toe
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
