Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
