so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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